Of Buses, Bees and (Gasp!)B*tches

Case of the Missing Bus

Jeddy: Mummy, where's bus?
I rummage through his big big basket of toy vehicles and finds his red double decker.
Me: Na, here's the bus.
Jeddy stares at the bus, and then stares back at me.
Jeddy: Where's bus?
Me (perplexed): Isn't this your bus?? What bus are you talking about? You have only one bus, don't you?
Jeddy: No, 'bus' lightyear!
Me (long pause)
Me: Riiiiight.......... I'm sorry......
Rummage through basket for the Buzz Lightyear car.

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Case of the Bee

Jeddy and I were having our breakfast at the dining table. As usual, he's playing with some cars while eating.

Jeddy drops a car under the table.
Me (eyes never leaving the newspapers): Jeddy, go pick up your car please.
Jeddy crawls under to pick up car.
Jeddy: Mummy, bee!
Me (springing off my chair and dragging Jeddy out in record time): Bee?!! Don't touch! It'll sting you!
After planting Jeddy 3 metres away, I went back to peep under the table. And my oh my, what a big 'bee' I saw. For some reason, there is a capital letter 'B' printed in bold and black on the underside of my Ikea table. Chehhhh.......
Me (feeling quite foolish): Err.... Jeddy, you're right. It's a 'B', yes. But don't worry, this 'B' won't sting you one.

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Case of the 'Vulgarity'

Jeddy was reading a book beside me while I lazed on the couch.

Jeddy (turning to me): Dirty b*tch!
Me (does a double take): What??!!! What did you just say?!!!
Jeddy (with gusto): Dirty b*tch!
Me (gasp!!!!): Jeddy! Where did you learn that from? And why are you calling me that?!!!!!
Jeddy points to a page in the book and repeats offensive term.
Me (understanding dawns upon me): Jeddy boy, you mean it's a dirty beach... Yes yes, this beach is really dirty with litter all over, isn't it? Ok Jeddy, repeat after mummy, it's a dirty beeeeeeach.
Jeddy: Dirty beeeeeeach....
Me: Yes yes, very good. Beeeeeeeeach. (wipes sweat off brow)

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